College Tensions and School Days

16th February 2006
I recall the tension her whole group in college went through over this incident. I hope the ‘contestants’ are now ok with each other.

High anxiety
Oh God! It’s so HORRIBLE. One boy in my class TRULY, REALLY WANTS TO KILL another chap. And who wouldn’t? If I were him and the other chap had done that to me...got me ACTUALLY BEATEN UP by the police for no fault of mine by BRIBING the police…wouldn’t I hate him so much! If I were humiliated and treated as a gunda by the police after all the good things I’d done and got blamed and beaten for the other chaps faults while he sat on a chair and watched. Wouldn’t I hate like that?
WHY WAS I SO INSENSITIVE? I didn’t realise it was so serious a problem…I thought it was a joke and showed it too. How can he be calmed down?
God I hope he forgets ‘coz if he does something as vengeance he'll have to pay for that too…probably spend his life in jail or get killed by gunda politicians.
The worst part is that they’re both my friends. Not so much the second chap-he’s too crazy and unpredictable actually.
But this first guy is a good friend of mine...one of my few close friends at Nizam’s though he’s crazy as well. I hope he has the good sense to keep out of the vengeance mode.
I hope I didn’t hurt him today-guess he won't be bothered thinking of what I said and did. He’s too busy!

17th February 2006
School Reunion
We had a ‘school reunion’ –some four or five of us. Divya ,Neelam, Neha,Amrita and Vidharshana. Never met Neelam after school. We had a real nice time. They were all their usual some times nasty selves….but otherwise ..Actually even that… was very nice. Some strange way we have so much in common. It’s weird the way no two of us is doing the same thing. It’s really weird.
But we still have so much in common. Those memories. The understanding of the people we were the experiences we had and the ‘incidents’ that took place…Oh boy! It felt really good when we kept recalling stuff and laughing at the way we are still just the same. Neelam and I fulfilled our long unfulfilled desire of going up by lift. The teachers were very sweet. I always had a strong bonding with one or two of them. Of course one of them commented on the mischievous glint in my eyes. And Quasar (one teacher’s dog) is fine I believe. One teacher’s little daughter is suddenly so grown up. Another has had a boy cut and looks real young.

18th February 2006
School Recall
Its strange how I told Smriti and Shrae’s mom about one of my earliest memories… so openly though I knew she is not the one to appreciate my type of ‘cuteness'. I told her about how I’d celebrated one of my birthdays with the twins coz their birthday is on 21st Feb and amma had konjified me saying how for kutti babies monthly birthdays are allowed.
I must have been three or four. I remember the music hall and Thomas teacher .It was an assembly and they gave chocolates. I didn’t have any to give and I wondered why and later I realised it wasn’t my b’day and that people had only yearly birthdays. Of course I didn’t tell her in all this detail…I didn’t tell her how Amma had konjified me and told me about monthly birthdays and made me feel that birthday feeling…that special feeling of superiority . I guess it wouldn’t go with the school principal image that people have of my mom.
It’s sad how I’m only remembered as the principal’s daughter. Or even worse as one person introduced me “Amita Desai's daughter, no. sorry Lalitha Iyer’s daughter.”
I mean Amma’s in the genre of the outside woman trying to do Principalling.
And well me, I went to school before her,I’m just her daughter.
And I saw the nursery kids running and hugging their teacher and remembered how she was once the world to me and that reminded me of me..
What I meant to write was “Wow I’ve changed so! I have become so much more expressive that I can share my memories and experiences with random acquaintances. I realise why I normally feel so sad in school. I had this feeling that all the happiness I experienced there was unreal, that nobody cared for me as me but only remembered amma or akka . Talking to all these friends and teachers yesterday made me feel much better.