13th March 2006
Decision
Are my confusions getting clearer or am I getting more confused? Dunno.
Kinda came to a decision today. Decided I wouldn’t try for masscom. as of now coz I’d first like to study Sociology or maybe Anthropology. So I’m writing just 5 entrances. JNU Soico, HCU Socio, HCU Anthro, CIEFL Culture Studies, TISS Social Work. Let’s see what I get into. Even if I get into none, it’s not the end of my world. OK, that’s the order of priority as well. Must try whole heartedly with full effort for all five and then see.
Another dilemma--to join Business French or not? Shanti’s gonna take a Business French course this Saturday. Morning classes …end in June. So the logic? Good to have another certificate. It would keep me active and hardworking to go to early morning classes. But the problem is time. Maybe Alliance will bring back some time management skills. Maybe I need more challenges. If I can’t manage I can just quit I guess. May be I should go for it considering Shanti’s taking it.
Thank god, found my scooter key today. I was so totally HAPPY- ECSTATIC to tell the truth. It was great. Amma, R and I went on a shopping spree.
27th March 2006
Indecision
Early this morning, it struck me that if I had ANY guts I’d try and apply to an ad agency and try to work properly this time. In the creative department, I’d try my hand at copywriting. .. I truly would. It would make a lot of sense in this Golden era of advertising. Maybe I should try. I might actually have fun. I might actually even become rich or famous. I might actually become a writer. I don’t think I’ll need to waste time trying to follow academic pursuits. My mind isn’t really academic and I don’t actually derive that much interest from theories and hypotheses except when they agree with my own. I am far too self -centred to care about the working of society and to understand it properly. I am far too self centred for social service. I really think I should try my hand at advertising. I guess I do have the creativity when it comes to that. Maybe I should try that out.
I cant tell amma this now. She’ll be furious. I’ll have to make my resume, get second opinion from Amma and Akku and maybe Seva and then send it somewhere. Maybe monster .com or naukri.com? Or maybe I should check out the O&M website.
I can just hear amma tell someone “Suku is fine. She’s entirely concentrating on Sociology. How do I tell her? She was so relieved .I was so relieved. I thought I was decided …fixed. … point finale. But no! My mind has to waver more. I won’t tell her or anybody else now. I’ll think about it for a while longer. I will study socio and anthro and do my best in all the exams. We will see…
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
CONTINUATIONS
9th March 2006
A Close Call!
Thank God! I believe that this guy (unnamed) never liked me. He always liked another friend of mine. Thank goodness…I escaped imminent embarrassment expecting /believing that he liked me and feeling yuck because of that. Thank Goodness! I escaped.
But it is weird when I think what vanity I must’ve had to assume that he liked me. How did I assume that? I never thought I was that kind of person. How idiotic I am. Anyways, he proposed to this friend and she didn’t mind too much. So that’s ok.
More on Social Strata
Had a long conversation with another friend today. She came up with amore plausible theory about why stratification based on money existed in our school. It is the uniform. Perhaps my theory doesn’t apply in this case but it’s a pretty neat conceptual formulation… though it’s real simplistic and Pareto would have considered it non logico experimental and therefore unscientific.
It’s real cool because human social interactions go on cyclically to satisfy human social needs. Since we are all so similar we have different criteria fro differentiation. We get caught up in these differences that we have a great need to belong. So we from groups with commonalities that in turn differ from other groups within these groups differences and perhaps stratification or group formation again emerges and so on…
11th March 2006
Prof Shanta Sinha’s talk
It was a very interesting day yesterday. At college, I attended a3D max class and then a seminar by Prof Shanta Sinha on child labour. What she said was really touching…she also introduced some ideas which were absolutely new for me. I have never been so inspired by a lecture.
For example she said that child labour is not always because of poverty. On the contrary it is often caused by the argument of poverty. She made us understand that there are several examples of how the very poor children are sent to school when compared to the slightly better off. She also said that children often feel hurt in school. Not just by angry words or violence, but the simple absence of teachers in classes.
She also said that if one wished to boycott products involving child labour, one cannot eat anything or construct anything with a brick in India, because child labour exists everywhere.
Me Meera again
I lost my scooter key – came home by auto.
My friends stayed over because Appa and Amma were out of town. We went to the alliance and saw “Me Meera”. The voice just didn’t go with ‘Meera’ and was too wannabe as Navika put it. I had immense pleasure in telling the director that the voice sucked big time. He said “I know, it’s too local.”
I was like “No it’s not Hyderabad, its Tamilian. And he was like “It’s so tough to find the right voice.” I was outright nasty, not at all sympathetic. It was fun…
A Close Call!
Thank God! I believe that this guy (unnamed) never liked me. He always liked another friend of mine. Thank goodness…I escaped imminent embarrassment expecting /believing that he liked me and feeling yuck because of that. Thank Goodness! I escaped.
But it is weird when I think what vanity I must’ve had to assume that he liked me. How did I assume that? I never thought I was that kind of person. How idiotic I am. Anyways, he proposed to this friend and she didn’t mind too much. So that’s ok.
More on Social Strata
Had a long conversation with another friend today. She came up with amore plausible theory about why stratification based on money existed in our school. It is the uniform. Perhaps my theory doesn’t apply in this case but it’s a pretty neat conceptual formulation… though it’s real simplistic and Pareto would have considered it non logico experimental and therefore unscientific.
It’s real cool because human social interactions go on cyclically to satisfy human social needs. Since we are all so similar we have different criteria fro differentiation. We get caught up in these differences that we have a great need to belong. So we from groups with commonalities that in turn differ from other groups within these groups differences and perhaps stratification or group formation again emerges and so on…
11th March 2006
Prof Shanta Sinha’s talk
It was a very interesting day yesterday. At college, I attended a3D max class and then a seminar by Prof Shanta Sinha on child labour. What she said was really touching…she also introduced some ideas which were absolutely new for me. I have never been so inspired by a lecture.
For example she said that child labour is not always because of poverty. On the contrary it is often caused by the argument of poverty. She made us understand that there are several examples of how the very poor children are sent to school when compared to the slightly better off. She also said that children often feel hurt in school. Not just by angry words or violence, but the simple absence of teachers in classes.
She also said that if one wished to boycott products involving child labour, one cannot eat anything or construct anything with a brick in India, because child labour exists everywhere.
Me Meera again
I lost my scooter key – came home by auto.
My friends stayed over because Appa and Amma were out of town. We went to the alliance and saw “Me Meera”. The voice just didn’t go with ‘Meera’ and was too wannabe as Navika put it. I had immense pleasure in telling the director that the voice sucked big time. He said “I know, it’s too local.”
I was like “No it’s not Hyderabad, its Tamilian. And he was like “It’s so tough to find the right voice.” I was outright nasty, not at all sympathetic. It was fun…
Saturday, March 6, 2010
A Little Wounded Bird
I remember this well- often finding the funny aspect was the best way to restore her perspective on things. And usually there was something to giggle .
Friday 3rd March 2006
Of a Bird That Flew Off!
I feel horrible as though I did something really terribly bad. I feel so terrible and guilty.
Today when I came back home from the market I saw this really kutti (tiny) bird lying on its side, bang on my way. If I hadn’t noticed I’d have run over it. I saw that it was alive but struggling to live. So I picked it up, fondled it in my palms praying. Then I realised that there was something wrong with its left eye….half of it was red so I thought it couldn’t see. There were some thuluka pasangal (Muslim boys) playing outside. So I asked if one of them would hold the bird and come to hospital in Padmaraonagar. So they agreed. I handed the bird over to them brought the veggies up locked the house and ran down again. They said the guy who had agreed to come was scared so another one agreed to come. So we went to the veterinary hospital. Everybody there kept asking me what kind of bird it was and stuff like that. I of course didn’t know. When I took it inside to the doctor she examined it while it was still in my hand and said it was ok and that its eye was ok and then I told her how it was lying on its side. She tried to take it and it just flew and clung to my duppatta. Then I tried to take it in my palm and again it flew up over the tube light…oh so close to the fan. The doctor got real scared and asked someone to switch off the fan and light. Then this guy there stood on a chair and caught the bird. The poor thing was struggling in his hands and eh gave it to me. I didn’t want to hold it tight and crush its wings and feathers. So it flew off again this time to the windowsill. Stuck between the glass, the grill and this guy trying to catch her, the poor bird had a tough time. So I dunno, crazy me, I just opened the window and she flew out. I was feeling really guilty that I had ruined stuff and intervened unnecessarily in nature’s way and taken the bird to some strange place away from her kin and left her there.
I felt really guilty and talked to Amrita. She was like it’s not all that bad, at least you tried what you could and it is better than if the bird had died near home and also that the hospital wasn’t some alien land. I kinda felt a little better after that.
Just now I spoke to Amma and I feel much better. That was basically because I told her about how an venerable tamizh auntie who lives nearby gasped when she saw a proper thuluka payyan sitting behind me on the bike…full with jubba toppy and all. She was totally scandalised and was pointing out to her son and daughter thinking i didn’t see her. I said “Namskaram Maami” with utmost orthodoxy and carried on. Poor thing, she just didn’t know how to react. Damn funny to be scandalised by a little Muslim boy sitting behind me…especially when he is at least 10 years younger than me. Amma also found it hilarious.
Tuesday 21st February 2006
Les Mots (Words)!
“Tout les enfants sont des miroirs de mort” (All children are mirrors of death)-Jean Paul Sartre.
Is that true? Do children really reflect death? Maybe I should read about Nachiketa Dialogues with death and also Dialogues with the Dead by Vijllipsky or whoever. There is a lot to read.
Friday 3rd March 2006
Of a Bird That Flew Off!
I feel horrible as though I did something really terribly bad. I feel so terrible and guilty.
Today when I came back home from the market I saw this really kutti (tiny) bird lying on its side, bang on my way. If I hadn’t noticed I’d have run over it. I saw that it was alive but struggling to live. So I picked it up, fondled it in my palms praying. Then I realised that there was something wrong with its left eye….half of it was red so I thought it couldn’t see. There were some thuluka pasangal (Muslim boys) playing outside. So I asked if one of them would hold the bird and come to hospital in Padmaraonagar. So they agreed. I handed the bird over to them brought the veggies up locked the house and ran down again. They said the guy who had agreed to come was scared so another one agreed to come. So we went to the veterinary hospital. Everybody there kept asking me what kind of bird it was and stuff like that. I of course didn’t know. When I took it inside to the doctor she examined it while it was still in my hand and said it was ok and that its eye was ok and then I told her how it was lying on its side. She tried to take it and it just flew and clung to my duppatta. Then I tried to take it in my palm and again it flew up over the tube light…oh so close to the fan. The doctor got real scared and asked someone to switch off the fan and light. Then this guy there stood on a chair and caught the bird. The poor thing was struggling in his hands and eh gave it to me. I didn’t want to hold it tight and crush its wings and feathers. So it flew off again this time to the windowsill. Stuck between the glass, the grill and this guy trying to catch her, the poor bird had a tough time. So I dunno, crazy me, I just opened the window and she flew out. I was feeling really guilty that I had ruined stuff and intervened unnecessarily in nature’s way and taken the bird to some strange place away from her kin and left her there.
I felt really guilty and talked to Amrita. She was like it’s not all that bad, at least you tried what you could and it is better than if the bird had died near home and also that the hospital wasn’t some alien land. I kinda felt a little better after that.
Just now I spoke to Amma and I feel much better. That was basically because I told her about how an venerable tamizh auntie who lives nearby gasped when she saw a proper thuluka payyan sitting behind me on the bike…full with jubba toppy and all. She was totally scandalised and was pointing out to her son and daughter thinking i didn’t see her. I said “Namskaram Maami” with utmost orthodoxy and carried on. Poor thing, she just didn’t know how to react. Damn funny to be scandalised by a little Muslim boy sitting behind me…especially when he is at least 10 years younger than me. Amma also found it hilarious.
Tuesday 21st February 2006
Les Mots (Words)!
“Tout les enfants sont des miroirs de mort” (All children are mirrors of death)-Jean Paul Sartre.
Is that true? Do children really reflect death? Maybe I should read about Nachiketa Dialogues with death and also Dialogues with the Dead by Vijllipsky or whoever. There is a lot to read.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Local theory
Sorry im a day late!
Local Theory on Social Needs
Tuesday 7th March 2006
Human beings in general have two kinds of social needs. One is to identify oneself with others, empathise and belong to a group-the need for belongingness. Another is the need to distinguish oneself from others…reinforce one’s own uniqueness, one’s exclusiveness in one’s own mind…to feel special and different. The two needs coexist. Perhaps when a population is almost uniform and kind of homogeneous …when people in it are nearly similar, the need for distinguishing oneself gains more importance. But when there are a lot of differences…socio economic cultural etc. the need for belonging becomes greater. I don’t know if it is true for greater systems but in my personal experience I guess it is so.
Basically I arrived at this from the seemingly weird way in which so much stratification happened in my school while so little existed in a larger school that my friend went to.
In my school almost all the children came from the same socio economic background...elite, middleclass and upper middle class and upper class. No first generation literates, all westernised having educated parents with TVs, fridges, vehicles etc. My friend’s school had representatives from all sections of society, ranging from children of the poor to those of the rich, from the children of the illiterate to the highly educated families, and yet, at least according to my friend, there was barely any stratification. Even if there was it was none too rigid. Perhaps when the kids are from such varying and diverse backgrounds, there was a greater need to bridge the existing gaps and identify with each other. Whereas in my school, perhaps there was need to MAGNIFY the existing differences to make one feel unique and special. There were socio economic differences, who’s rich, who’s kool and who’s ‘in’. That’s what it was I guess.
12th March 2006
My theory is becoming stronger and stronger. In everything I read I find it or ideas leading to it and its becoming broader too.
My theory is that when there is a lot of homogeneity to start with people begin to feel too common and their need to distinguish themselves becomes IMMENSE. Thus conflicts are greater in small intimate social groups as (Georg Siramel noted) because they share a sense of belonging, of identity. This could also be because each of us has a part in us that detests what we are …everything we stand for…thanatos. (death drive)
This was my understanding of Vimal Aunty’s explanation about how people tend to get angrier with others when they do something they themselves have done. There is a great sense of indignation when a person identifies oneself with the act. Perhaps this boils down to a need to change. I guess the basic need could be a need to change .perhaps the belonging identity and the differentiation / specialisation need are both manifestations of the need to change.
Anyway coming back to my theory, there is a greater need for identity and belonging in a highly heterogeneous group. Thus as people fulfil their needs a homogeneous groups becomes heterogeneous and a heterogeneous group becomes homogeneous all in cycles, its more or less like the theory of ‘incoherent homogeneity’ to ‘coherent heterogeneity’. In fact IT is that.
Somehow I feel I’ve complicated life…I started off with ‘identity’ as ‘belongingness’ and ‘group identity’ and ended up with it being ‘individual identity’ or the need to specialise. I guess basic needs could then just be identity. Maybe I should leave this obsession for a while, study sociology with an open mind, sans bias and come back to it later if I still want to.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
College Tensions and School Days
16th February 2006
I recall the tension her whole group in college went through over this incident. I hope the ‘contestants’ are now ok with each other.
High anxiety
Oh God! It’s so HORRIBLE. One boy in my class TRULY, REALLY WANTS TO KILL another chap. And who wouldn’t? If I were him and the other chap had done that to me...got me ACTUALLY BEATEN UP by the police for no fault of mine by BRIBING the police…wouldn’t I hate him so much! If I were humiliated and treated as a gunda by the police after all the good things I’d done and got blamed and beaten for the other chaps faults while he sat on a chair and watched. Wouldn’t I hate like that?
WHY WAS I SO INSENSITIVE? I didn’t realise it was so serious a problem…I thought it was a joke and showed it too. How can he be calmed down?
God I hope he forgets ‘coz if he does something as vengeance he'll have to pay for that too…probably spend his life in jail or get killed by gunda politicians.
The worst part is that they’re both my friends. Not so much the second chap-he’s too crazy and unpredictable actually.
But this first guy is a good friend of mine...one of my few close friends at Nizam’s though he’s crazy as well. I hope he has the good sense to keep out of the vengeance mode.
I hope I didn’t hurt him today-guess he won't be bothered thinking of what I said and did. He’s too busy!
17th February 2006
School Reunion
We had a ‘school reunion’ –some four or five of us. Divya ,Neelam, Neha,Amrita and Vidharshana. Never met Neelam after school. We had a real nice time. They were all their usual some times nasty selves….but otherwise ..Actually even that… was very nice. Some strange way we have so much in common. It’s weird the way no two of us is doing the same thing. It’s really weird.
But we still have so much in common. Those memories. The understanding of the people we were the experiences we had and the ‘incidents’ that took place…Oh boy! It felt really good when we kept recalling stuff and laughing at the way we are still just the same. Neelam and I fulfilled our long unfulfilled desire of going up by lift. The teachers were very sweet. I always had a strong bonding with one or two of them. Of course one of them commented on the mischievous glint in my eyes. And Quasar (one teacher’s dog) is fine I believe. One teacher’s little daughter is suddenly so grown up. Another has had a boy cut and looks real young.
18th February 2006
School Recall
Its strange how I told Smriti and Shrae’s mom about one of my earliest memories… so openly though I knew she is not the one to appreciate my type of ‘cuteness'. I told her about how I’d celebrated one of my birthdays with the twins coz their birthday is on 21st Feb and amma had konjified me saying how for kutti babies monthly birthdays are allowed.
I must have been three or four. I remember the music hall and Thomas teacher .It was an assembly and they gave chocolates. I didn’t have any to give and I wondered why and later I realised it wasn’t my b’day and that people had only yearly birthdays. Of course I didn’t tell her in all this detail…I didn’t tell her how Amma had konjified me and told me about monthly birthdays and made me feel that birthday feeling…that special feeling of superiority . I guess it wouldn’t go with the school principal image that people have of my mom.
It’s sad how I’m only remembered as the principal’s daughter. Or even worse as one person introduced me “Amita Desai's daughter, no. sorry Lalitha Iyer’s daughter.”
I mean Amma’s in the genre of the outside woman trying to do Principalling.
And well me, I went to school before her,I’m just her daughter.
And I saw the nursery kids running and hugging their teacher and remembered how she was once the world to me and that reminded me of me..
What I meant to write was “Wow I’ve changed so! I have become so much more expressive that I can share my memories and experiences with random acquaintances. I realise why I normally feel so sad in school. I had this feeling that all the happiness I experienced there was unreal, that nobody cared for me as me but only remembered amma or akka . Talking to all these friends and teachers yesterday made me feel much better.
I recall the tension her whole group in college went through over this incident. I hope the ‘contestants’ are now ok with each other.
High anxiety
Oh God! It’s so HORRIBLE. One boy in my class TRULY, REALLY WANTS TO KILL another chap. And who wouldn’t? If I were him and the other chap had done that to me...got me ACTUALLY BEATEN UP by the police for no fault of mine by BRIBING the police…wouldn’t I hate him so much! If I were humiliated and treated as a gunda by the police after all the good things I’d done and got blamed and beaten for the other chaps faults while he sat on a chair and watched. Wouldn’t I hate like that?
WHY WAS I SO INSENSITIVE? I didn’t realise it was so serious a problem…I thought it was a joke and showed it too. How can he be calmed down?
God I hope he forgets ‘coz if he does something as vengeance he'll have to pay for that too…probably spend his life in jail or get killed by gunda politicians.
The worst part is that they’re both my friends. Not so much the second chap-he’s too crazy and unpredictable actually.
But this first guy is a good friend of mine...one of my few close friends at Nizam’s though he’s crazy as well. I hope he has the good sense to keep out of the vengeance mode.
I hope I didn’t hurt him today-guess he won't be bothered thinking of what I said and did. He’s too busy!
17th February 2006
School Reunion
We had a ‘school reunion’ –some four or five of us. Divya ,Neelam, Neha,Amrita and Vidharshana. Never met Neelam after school. We had a real nice time. They were all their usual some times nasty selves….but otherwise ..Actually even that… was very nice. Some strange way we have so much in common. It’s weird the way no two of us is doing the same thing. It’s really weird.
But we still have so much in common. Those memories. The understanding of the people we were the experiences we had and the ‘incidents’ that took place…Oh boy! It felt really good when we kept recalling stuff and laughing at the way we are still just the same. Neelam and I fulfilled our long unfulfilled desire of going up by lift. The teachers were very sweet. I always had a strong bonding with one or two of them. Of course one of them commented on the mischievous glint in my eyes. And Quasar (one teacher’s dog) is fine I believe. One teacher’s little daughter is suddenly so grown up. Another has had a boy cut and looks real young.
18th February 2006
School Recall
Its strange how I told Smriti and Shrae’s mom about one of my earliest memories… so openly though I knew she is not the one to appreciate my type of ‘cuteness'. I told her about how I’d celebrated one of my birthdays with the twins coz their birthday is on 21st Feb and amma had konjified me saying how for kutti babies monthly birthdays are allowed.
I must have been three or four. I remember the music hall and Thomas teacher .It was an assembly and they gave chocolates. I didn’t have any to give and I wondered why and later I realised it wasn’t my b’day and that people had only yearly birthdays. Of course I didn’t tell her in all this detail…I didn’t tell her how Amma had konjified me and told me about monthly birthdays and made me feel that birthday feeling…that special feeling of superiority . I guess it wouldn’t go with the school principal image that people have of my mom.
It’s sad how I’m only remembered as the principal’s daughter. Or even worse as one person introduced me “Amita Desai's daughter, no. sorry Lalitha Iyer’s daughter.”
I mean Amma’s in the genre of the outside woman trying to do Principalling.
And well me, I went to school before her,I’m just her daughter.
And I saw the nursery kids running and hugging their teacher and remembered how she was once the world to me and that reminded me of me..
What I meant to write was “Wow I’ve changed so! I have become so much more expressive that I can share my memories and experiences with random acquaintances. I realise why I normally feel so sad in school. I had this feeling that all the happiness I experienced there was unreal, that nobody cared for me as me but only remembered amma or akka . Talking to all these friends and teachers yesterday made me feel much better.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friendships
She was deeply engaged in the ups and downs that her friends were living through -here's a sample of how she felt!
Friendships
Monday 8th February 2006
I met this friend (who loves films and acting) on the road today and had a longish chat with her. Feeling so bad for her, it is so SAD. She’s gotten into debts and stuff. She was disgusted by the way a director was treating her. She decided to make a play herself and borrowed money. The play got cancelled. And now she has to repay it all. Poor thing. This director really exploited her. I believe the whole idea for his newest film is actually her concept. When she’d gone to Mumbai she'd gone on a crazy walk around the town, really sad and all. She’d written about this and asked him to read the stuff. He read it and said it was nice and that he’d adapt it to Hyderabad. As usual the dubbing was before her exams. He told her the recording would be on a particular day. When she called him the day before, he coolly says “Your voice is not good, your accent is not good, I got an RJ (?)" to do the recording”.
CRAP! She wrote the whole goddammed script, he plagiarised it. She was looking forward tot eh voice bit coz otherwise it’s just a girl walking around town. The dialogues were close to her heart.
She didn’t even know about the screening at HCU. He is such a CHEAP BASTARD. I hope that one day she becomes a great actress while this chap remains a nobody. That would be so cool!
Still 8th
Spoke to another friend today. She seems to be feeling so SAD. It’s so horrible…she’s feeling so low about her new college…about the way people treat her there. They think she is dumb and stiff. The way she’s failing her exams and stuff and how they‘d probably think they are right in thinking she’s dumb.
I think after the old college –and the high that comes with it- the way she was respected and valued and admired there-it must be really tough.
It’s horrible even to imagine; poor thing she is feeling lonely and all. She went and watched Rang De Basanti alone.
She was s’posed to meet a friend today at a certain time. And when she got there this chap was still at home! She wants company, she needs friends.
And another chap she liked sent her an email ending that he was sorry about her grandmother and asking if she was very close to her! I believe she started crying and didn’t reply for a week. I can understand the feeling the unsaid part.
I can understand the feeling. I sympathise fully. But I dunno if I conveyed that. I’m such a COLD person .if I am all the sympathy giving source she has it must be tragic. But I bet she has other sources. She is such a friendly person.
Monday 6th February
I’m feeling real bad about the way I treat this friend… how I hardly ever think of her, how I’m goddam selfish, how I’m barely ever true to her. Gosh 1 I hate this. I victimise her the way I believe some others victimised me. I kinda exploit her and yet she is so faithful and nice and concerned and all. She is a very caring person and is equally sensitive. I’m sure I’ve hurt her innumerable times and in spite of that she remains so caring.
Friendships
Monday 8th February 2006
I met this friend (who loves films and acting) on the road today and had a longish chat with her. Feeling so bad for her, it is so SAD. She’s gotten into debts and stuff. She was disgusted by the way a director was treating her. She decided to make a play herself and borrowed money. The play got cancelled. And now she has to repay it all. Poor thing. This director really exploited her. I believe the whole idea for his newest film is actually her concept. When she’d gone to Mumbai she'd gone on a crazy walk around the town, really sad and all. She’d written about this and asked him to read the stuff. He read it and said it was nice and that he’d adapt it to Hyderabad. As usual the dubbing was before her exams. He told her the recording would be on a particular day. When she called him the day before, he coolly says “Your voice is not good, your accent is not good, I got an RJ (?)" to do the recording”.
CRAP! She wrote the whole goddammed script, he plagiarised it. She was looking forward tot eh voice bit coz otherwise it’s just a girl walking around town. The dialogues were close to her heart.
She didn’t even know about the screening at HCU. He is such a CHEAP BASTARD. I hope that one day she becomes a great actress while this chap remains a nobody. That would be so cool!
Still 8th
Spoke to another friend today. She seems to be feeling so SAD. It’s so horrible…she’s feeling so low about her new college…about the way people treat her there. They think she is dumb and stiff. The way she’s failing her exams and stuff and how they‘d probably think they are right in thinking she’s dumb.
I think after the old college –and the high that comes with it- the way she was respected and valued and admired there-it must be really tough.
It’s horrible even to imagine; poor thing she is feeling lonely and all. She went and watched Rang De Basanti alone.
She was s’posed to meet a friend today at a certain time. And when she got there this chap was still at home! She wants company, she needs friends.
And another chap she liked sent her an email ending that he was sorry about her grandmother and asking if she was very close to her! I believe she started crying and didn’t reply for a week. I can understand the feeling the unsaid part.
I can understand the feeling. I sympathise fully. But I dunno if I conveyed that. I’m such a COLD person .if I am all the sympathy giving source she has it must be tragic. But I bet she has other sources. She is such a friendly person.
Monday 6th February
I’m feeling real bad about the way I treat this friend… how I hardly ever think of her, how I’m goddam selfish, how I’m barely ever true to her. Gosh 1 I hate this. I victimise her the way I believe some others victimised me. I kinda exploit her and yet she is so faithful and nice and concerned and all. She is a very caring person and is equally sensitive. I’m sure I’ve hurt her innumerable times and in spite of that she remains so caring.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Dangers on the Road and More Films
I do remember how shocked she was,poor thing! Also rememeber how her sister slapped someone for annoying her on the Tank Bund.I felt worried of course since they both rode bikes and came home at all hours!
And for a person agonising over exams she seems to had time for lots of films!
We saw Didier and RDB together.
BTW I am posting on Friday coz I wont have access to the internet tomorrow in my travels.
Tuesday February 7th 2006
"Eve teasing"!
God its DISGUSTING, REPULSIVE. I dunno how to describe it even. I was coming back home on my bike…helmet on my head and all…it would have been tough to realise I was a female and all except for my flowery Salwar Kameez which made it evident I guess. There was this bike behind me, just on the street next to ours…he was coming towards my bike ..I thought it was just plain bad driving. So I moved to the side-that BASTARD had the AUDACITY to nearly hit my bike, put out his hand and touch the breast region of my salwar kameez.
God! Its so HORRIBLE. So DANGEROUS…Right here..one street from home..and this for a girl on a bike wearing a helmet,hardly feminine. DAMN. Its so YUCK. I was SO shocked I just stopped there for two goddam minutes looking back a the moron who drove away. I thought of noting the number ..a moment too late. He had turned the corner. I was so SHOCKED it took me two minutes to think of following and noting the number...by the time I reached the street corner he was nowhere to be seen.
It’s so HORRIBLE and YUCK. It’s DISGUSTING.I FEEL SICK. I WANTED AT FRIST TO CALL Amma and tell her. But then I realised that I’d probably forget it and she will get all anxious and worked up and stuff. It is so horrible.
Why? Was the guy some sort of sex obsessed moron who randomly targeted girls on bikes? Was it a dare? The madness of youth, as I was thinking in the criminology class? Jeez. How sick is that?
I’m gonna change my clothes watch TV and forget it all. I must tell Amma this but I guess ill tell her when she gets back home. God, its so horrid, I have to go to French class library today .I'm scared. This happened in BROAD DAY LIGHT on a deserted road ..
Films
Thursday, January 26th 2006
Didier
Saw this movie (on DVD) called Didier. It’s absolutely marvellous. All of us thoroughly enjoyed it. Even Appa though he doesn’t know any French. ‘Twas darned nice about a lab who becomes human and then dog again. Darned cute and the guy who played Didier acted SO WELL. You could really feel he was a large clumsy Labrador…gnawing his hand, going around in circles before sitting, scratching his ears with his hind foot, it was hilarious especially the stuff he did as footballer.
Friday, 27th January 2006
Rang De Basanti
Saw RDB today-it was really well made. What do I say? It made me feel bad. The camera work, the cinematography, the sounds, the music, the acting ---all that was excellent. So were the basic concepts…very touching the way crazy history keeps repeating itself meaninglessly.
I understood Baghat Singh, Chandrasekhar, Azad… and them dying for liberty. That makes sense. ..not really…its grotesque, HORRIBLE. The little boy watching everybody die at Jallinawalbagh..not just die , MURDERED, KILLED, MASSACRED. Horrible. Growing up...violence is the only answer.
What happened then/ the pilot died. The defence minister was assassinated. Aamir Khan on his bike…Chandrasekhar Azad. The craziest thing is they become their roles, as though they were reborn. Is it heroism in them? Or is it just bravado aggression and madness of youth?
The first part of the movie makes one feel so futile… so bad about how today’s youth has no fire, no zeal left. All we have is virakthi and laziness and being resigned to one’s fate. Just drunkenness, discos, rash driving, bizarre hairdos, tattoos, clothing, smoking, drugs...above all a sorrow at all this…leading to the empty purposeless feeling.
Oh well basically it was a well made film. The past and present blended so well. Its very complex, dunno how to put it into words.
February 4th 2006
Saw Legally Blonde. This made me think of Janet Bond. I should get around to finishing that someday.
And for a person agonising over exams she seems to had time for lots of films!
We saw Didier and RDB together.
BTW I am posting on Friday coz I wont have access to the internet tomorrow in my travels.
Tuesday February 7th 2006
"Eve teasing"!
God its DISGUSTING, REPULSIVE. I dunno how to describe it even. I was coming back home on my bike…helmet on my head and all…it would have been tough to realise I was a female and all except for my flowery Salwar Kameez which made it evident I guess. There was this bike behind me, just on the street next to ours…he was coming towards my bike ..I thought it was just plain bad driving. So I moved to the side-that BASTARD had the AUDACITY to nearly hit my bike, put out his hand and touch the breast region of my salwar kameez.
God! Its so HORRIBLE. So DANGEROUS…Right here..one street from home..and this for a girl on a bike wearing a helmet,hardly feminine. DAMN. Its so YUCK. I was SO shocked I just stopped there for two goddam minutes looking back a the moron who drove away. I thought of noting the number ..a moment too late. He had turned the corner. I was so SHOCKED it took me two minutes to think of following and noting the number...by the time I reached the street corner he was nowhere to be seen.
It’s so HORRIBLE and YUCK. It’s DISGUSTING.I FEEL SICK. I WANTED AT FRIST TO CALL Amma and tell her. But then I realised that I’d probably forget it and she will get all anxious and worked up and stuff. It is so horrible.
Why? Was the guy some sort of sex obsessed moron who randomly targeted girls on bikes? Was it a dare? The madness of youth, as I was thinking in the criminology class? Jeez. How sick is that?
I’m gonna change my clothes watch TV and forget it all. I must tell Amma this but I guess ill tell her when she gets back home. God, its so horrid, I have to go to French class library today .I'm scared. This happened in BROAD DAY LIGHT on a deserted road ..
Films
Thursday, January 26th 2006
Didier
Saw this movie (on DVD) called Didier. It’s absolutely marvellous. All of us thoroughly enjoyed it. Even Appa though he doesn’t know any French. ‘Twas darned nice about a lab who becomes human and then dog again. Darned cute and the guy who played Didier acted SO WELL. You could really feel he was a large clumsy Labrador…gnawing his hand, going around in circles before sitting, scratching his ears with his hind foot, it was hilarious especially the stuff he did as footballer.
Friday, 27th January 2006
Rang De Basanti
Saw RDB today-it was really well made. What do I say? It made me feel bad. The camera work, the cinematography, the sounds, the music, the acting ---all that was excellent. So were the basic concepts…very touching the way crazy history keeps repeating itself meaninglessly.
I understood Baghat Singh, Chandrasekhar, Azad… and them dying for liberty. That makes sense. ..not really…its grotesque, HORRIBLE. The little boy watching everybody die at Jallinawalbagh..not just die , MURDERED, KILLED, MASSACRED. Horrible. Growing up...violence is the only answer.
What happened then/ the pilot died. The defence minister was assassinated. Aamir Khan on his bike…Chandrasekhar Azad. The craziest thing is they become their roles, as though they were reborn. Is it heroism in them? Or is it just bravado aggression and madness of youth?
The first part of the movie makes one feel so futile… so bad about how today’s youth has no fire, no zeal left. All we have is virakthi and laziness and being resigned to one’s fate. Just drunkenness, discos, rash driving, bizarre hairdos, tattoos, clothing, smoking, drugs...above all a sorrow at all this…leading to the empty purposeless feeling.
Oh well basically it was a well made film. The past and present blended so well. Its very complex, dunno how to put it into words.
February 4th 2006
Saw Legally Blonde. This made me think of Janet Bond. I should get around to finishing that someday.
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